Did you know – The stubble that forms after skin has been shaved can damage a condom. Also, be conscious of those piercings as they can pierce a condom.

And, did you know that condoms now come in all sizes. Condomerie.com seems to have the most extensive supply that I’ve found so far. Unfortunately, they are located in Amsterdam. Anyone know of other good sources for condoms of all sizes?

Ok, so I guess this is the second time when I will say ’size matters.’ Condom size that is, for correct fit. If you would like to know the only other time I uttered those words, here you go – Cooking With Balls.

Bless those bunnies! – They’re being guinea pigs for penis reconstruction. Here’s the full scoop from Charles Q. Choi, Special to LiveScience.

“One day artificial penis tissue could be grown to help men, new findings in rabbits now suggest.

After implantation with replacement tissue, lab rabbits that once had damaged penises had working organs and could produce offspring.

“Further studies are required, of course, but our results are encouraging and suggest that the technology has considerable potential for patients who need penile reconstruction,” said researcher Anthony Atala, director of Wake Forest University Baptist Medical Center’s Institute for Regenerative Medicine in Winston-Salem, N.C.

Such methods could potentially aid men who just want to enhance their normal penises, rather than repairing any damage.

“Our intent and the goal of our work is to provide a solution for men who need penile erectile tissue for medical reasons,” Atala told LiveScience. “Of course, you cannot control how the technology is used in terms of what patients want.”

The real hope is “that patients with congenital abnormalities, penile cancer, traumatic injury and some cases of erectile dysfunction will benefit from this technology in the future,” Atala said.

The challenge

Reconstructing the spongy erectile tissue in damaged or diseased penises has traditionally been a challenge because of its complex structure and the intricate cellular interactions needed to make it work properly. A number of different kinds of surgery have been attempted — often procedures with multiple stages that can involve a silicone penis prosthesis — but natural erectile function is generally not restored.

“There is nothing more devastating for a surgeon than to be in the operating room and to have no tissue to give a patient who needs it,” Atala said. “We want to find a solution to that dilemma.”

The researchers sought to solve this problem by engineering replacement tissues in the lab. They first harvested the kinds of cells that line blood vessels ­— smooth muscle cells and endothelial cells — from the erectile tissue of rabbits. During an erection, the endothelial cells release nitric oxide, which makes the smooth muscle tissue relax, permitting an influx of blood into the penis.

After letting the cells multiply, millions of them were injected into scaffolds made from rabbit penises stripped of all their cells with detergents. These scaffolds provided support as the injected cells developed. After implanting the scaffolds in the penises of 12 male New Zealand White rabbits, organized tissue with vessels began to form as early as one month afterward.

“In much of our work, we have learned that ‘nature knows best,’ and this is certainly true with decellularized organs — they are ideal to support cells as they multiply and as tissue develops,” Atala said.

The cells were injected into scaffolds on two separate days, enabling them to hold nearly six times as many smooth muscle cells as in the prior research, which the scientists believe was a major key to success. Tests showed that blood pressure and flow within the erectile tissue was normal and that veins drained normally after erection.

Just like rabbits

All rabbits with the bioengineered penises were just as active as normal rabbits — they tried sex within a minute of introduction to females. Swabs from the females held sperm in eight of 12 instances and four of the females became pregnant, delivering healthy pups.

“Although many scientists shy away from doing research in this critical area, these are all very important body structures — especially if you’re a man,” said stem cell scientist Robert Lanza, chief scientific officer of Advanced Cell Technology in Worcester, Mass., who did not take part in this research. “Certainly no one wants to be known as the ‘penis doctor’ — so bravo to Tony for having the courage to develop this reconstructive procedure, which could potentially help thousands of people suffering from congenital anomalies, penile cancer, and traumatic injuries. This is the most complete functional replacement of erectile tissue reported to date.”

If the scientists do try and help people with this research, naturally they will not use rabbit cells with men.

“We would take a small sample of a patient’s erectile tissue, extract the cells we need and multiply them in the laboratory,” Atala explained. “The resulting tissue would be a perfect match for the patient.

Future research also might not depend on scaffolds made from decellularized penises. Instead, Atala and his colleagues could print three-dimensional scaffolds out from materials such as collagen. “We can print structures to make them to order as needed,” he said.

“Regenerative medicine isn’t science fiction as many people believe — it is benefiting patients right now and has the potential for even wider use in the future,” Atala added.

The scientists detailed their findings online November 9 in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.”

The science behind sex really fascinates me. Some of us (me) believe that regular sex can help create a consistent good mood. Reasonable assumption. I never considered, though, that this might primarily be due to the semen. Yep, semen contains hormones including testosterone, estrogen, prolactin, luteinizing hormone and prostaglandins, and some of these are absorbed through the walls of the vagina and are known to elevate mood. And, semen withdrawal can create depression.

I’ve recognized that long-distance relationships can create psysiological havoc (hot sex, no sex, hot sex, no sex…) and now suspect if that is largely due to the semen withdrawal.

Maybe someday they’ll add semen withdrawal to the DSM, and then sell it in a bottle – by prescription of course. Not nearly as much fun.

InSpot.org offers free e-mail postcards to comfortably, and anonymously relay the news to your partner(s).

Richard and Diana Daffner are a delightful couple who share with others what works for them, and what matters to them, in their own relationship. Married since 1985, the Daffners help couples experience and embody the love that is in their hearts.

Their mission is to provide inspiration and education in Sacred Loving for all couples, everywhere. They are the authors of the book, Tantric Sex for Busy Couples: How to Deepen Your Passion in Just Ten Minutes a Day.

“Lovemaking can be fun and adventurous, filled with active exploration of body parts and lively and intense reactions. Excitement and curiosity, tension and release, foreplay, afterplay and endless play.

However, for many of us, lovemaking is fraught with emotional tension, rejection, frustration and fear. How can this be? How can an activity seemingly so natural and enjoyable, be so challenging and difficult to embrace?

While sex for the purpose of procreation is indeed natural to our species, and lovemaking in the hormonal rapture of a new romance may be instinctively passionate, we do not seem to have an inborn ability to appreciate ongoing sex with the same partner for years on end as a joyful and irresistable encounter.

Tantra, an ancient pathway to spiritual enlightenment, offers a new paradigm that is part solution to this seeming problem of waning sexual drive and part awesome journey into an unexpected reality.

When two people move together into a sacred loving space, according to Native American teacher, Sun Bear,

‘Everything outside of that space fades in importance,
time takes on a different dimension,
Emotions flow more freely,
The bodies of participants become filled with the energy of life,
And this energy reaches out and blesses the creation around them.
All is made new
Everything becomes sacred.’

Couples who do Tantra gift themselves daily with a ceremonial taste of the divine. Their lovemaking is transformed from an “under the sheets” effort driven by sexual urgency to a soul-satisfying, meditative and purposeful pilgrimage to the temple within. Gazing into one another’s eyes, they awaken the highest aspect of themselves and truly know one another to be filled with spirit.

Although this level of intimacy may not come naturally, the pathway can be easily learned. And the experience itself is immediately recognizable as an empowering, healthy and blissful coming home. Have you had your Tantra today?”

Got a bad relationship? Well, this might be your best Friday the 13th ever. Reid Mihalko, Sex and Relationship Coach, has scheduled a teleseminar for Friday, Nov. 13th. It’s National End a Bad Relationship Day!

Reid has other exciting offerings in the works. Visit him at http://www.ReidAboutSex.com.

Delyse Ledgard, MA, shares about ambivalence in relationships – everything you’ve ever wanted to know, and more.

‘Ambivalence occurs in intimate relationships when there is the coexistence of opposing emotions and desires towards the other that create an uncertainty about being in the relationship. It is our nature to split our experience into polarities, such as good/bad, right/wrong and emotions such as love/hate, joy/sadness. One could say that we constantly deal with the opposite of our experience even if that is unconscious.’

As we become closer to our beloved and feel connected our experience is defined by the possibility of separation. Every time we say ‘yes’ there is a ‘no’ in the background informing our choice. If I am saying ‘yes’ to something wholeheartedly, I can feel that yes in every cell of my being. ‘No’ has been considered and rejected, however fleetingly, and my ‘yes’ has the quality of certainty. If my desire to say ‘no’ interferes with my ‘yes’ it will be said with hesitation and doubt, and a lingering uneasy feeling that causes me to hold back; I am unable to fully commit to that yes. So not only does the opposite polarity define my experience but the degree to which I have integrated it into my conscious­ness will also affect my experience.

Ambivalence could be said to occur when we are stuck between two polarities, and unable to reconcile them… All relationships contain opposing desires at times; this is the essence of conflict. The degree to which both ends of any polarity are conscious or hidden will affect how partners deal with conflict between them. In addition, how much each individual identifies with one end of the polarity will also determine the ability to resolve conflict. For example; if I identify with being kind and cannot tolerate the notion that I can be unkind, the unkind aspects to my psyche will become unconscious and drain energy away from my ability to be kind. I will not be fully present or authentic in my acts of kindness, and in all likelihood project ‘unkindness’ on to my partner. By being rigidly identified with one end of a polarity and blocking awareness of the intolerable aspect means we cannot be fully present. If both individuals in a relationship are identifying their nature in this way, then what they create between them will also be an inability to tolerate certain experiences and make resolving conflict difficult.

So if the nature of ambivalence is the inability to resolve an internal conflict that results in a lack of presence; a common way of expressing this is confusion. Ambivalence and confusion can be temporary states in all relationships, as we take time to resolve opposing or new information. However, where ambivalence be­comes a chronic response to the world, confusion can become a defensive stance that protects us from being fully present. Expressing confusion habitually regarding what we want or need reinforces our sense of helplessness. ‘I don’t know’ does not give us a sense of mastery over our world, nor does it give our partner anything to go on. The inability of either partner to move forward in the relationship, either to leave or to move closer reinforces this helplessness. This chronic pattern becomes a problem in relation­ships by inhibiting deeper intimacy.

A chronic pattern of ambivalence typically generates a dynamic in relationships where one partner is identified as ‘uncommitted’ and the other as wanting commitment. Each partner will develop behaviors around this conflict in an attempt to pull their partner closer, or push them away. Each partner is expressing a particular role in the conflict over being in the relationship or out of it, but essentially both partners are creating the ambivalent tension between them by being identified with one end of the polarity.

In other words, if we were to reduce this to a simple yes and no – the two ends of a polarity would be, ‘yes I want more with you’ and ‘no I do not want more with you’. Partners are identified with either yes or no, and between them creating a stalemate. We can assume from this that both partners have not resolved their own internal ambivalence as neither of them can commit themselves to either being in or out of the relationship, and neither of them in this dynamic are fully engaged with the other. Often as one moves away the other will express more desire for the relationship, and the ‘certainty’ expressed by the committed partner is a desire to hold on in reaction to the greater pulling away of the other.

Because ambivalence pulls the individual and the relationship in different directions there is an atmosphere of uncertainty and unpredictability that creates instability between the partners. There can be an atmosphere of impending doom and dissolution of the relationship. Partners often break up many times, or threaten to break up. As time goes on the relationship takes on the characteristics of an emotional roller coaster where they alternate between feeling hopeful and breaking up. Within this atmosphere, it can be very difficult for both partners to be themselves, and be open with each other. When faced with the possibility that it will end at any moment, anything that either of them believes could cause the relationship to end will be denied or held back. As each partner withholds aspects of himself or herself from the other, this creates distance, and thereby increases anxiety over the possibility of separation. It becomes a vicious circle.

Typically, the partner who expresses commitment feels hurt and rejected by the other. The feeling that they are not good enough for the other to fully be with them creates a reaction of trying to please them, in the hope that they can make their partner desire them. The partner who carries more uncertainty often feels guilty that they are not able to give more, and finds it increasingly difficult to voice their true feelings. They start to dance around each other trying to anticipate how the other is going to react to them and hold back their thoughts, feelings or desires if they think that the other will react badly to them. In this way the relationship becomes more and more dishonest.

Both partners are in a relationship that isn’t the way they want it to be, but neither is able to leave. This is the essence of ambivalence. The preoccupation with separation, either wanting more separation, or being afraid of separation from the other, is the foundation of the anxiety that the relationship sits on. This preoccupation means that each individual cannot rest in the relationship; it is not a place of sanctuary and support but a place of deprivation. Even though there may be times where both partners can have fun and feel connected it is short lived, as both partners carry an underlying dissatisfaction that doesn’t get resolved. A lot of time and energy gets taken up dealing with this underlying anxiety and deprivation.

From this perspective, the alternative to living with a chronic pattern of ambivalence would be to resolve internal conflicts that prevent one from taking action, making decisions, expressing how you feel, and being fully present. Issues around connection, intimacy and separation are often at the root of an ambivalent stance. To be fully here is to accept the fragility and imperfections of life, to go for ‘it’ despite the possibility it could be gone in the next moment.

I love this article by Laurie Essig. We’re getting back to basics.

‘You gotta love the American do it yourself spirit. As the Great Recession drags on and on and on, we spend our weekends at big home stores figuring out how to rewire the lights or fix the toilet ourselves. We forgo family vacations elsewhere and have staycations in our own home. And now we’ve decided to invest in sex toys and f*#king ourselves since a hundred dollars invested in a good vibrator or dildo will be a lot more entertaining and long lasting than $100 spent on a single evening of dinner and drinks (which may or may not result in fun in bed).’ more

I had Chinese for lunch today, and this is what I know for sure: fortune cookies are designed to be appetizers, not dessert.

I try to turn my back on instant gratification whenever feasible, but when there is a fortune cookie sitting right there in front of a person’s face – well, how is that possible? To me, the value of this crackly, dry, bland cookie is in the fortune – and that fortune could hold the key to the rest of my life. So, I did. I ate my cookie first, and then I read my fortune. And then I lamented how fortunes are just not what they used to be – simple platitudes rather than authentic wisdom from the ‘wise people.’

My fortune read – ‘Turn off your cell phone before a romantic evening.’ Another disappointing, useless missive.

Then I went into Relationship Coach mode. This issue is one that I often incorporate in my coaching, as it is an irritant for many, often judged as just plain rude, and is becoming more and more prevalent in this age of technology.

Men: What your female partner wants from you on a date, more than anything, is your undivided attention. She wants you to be fully present, and she wants to feel as though she is the most important person in your life, right then and there. She wants to feel ‘courted.’ You get to be alone with your cell phone every other night of the week. Get the picture? (If this ‘parting’ just doesn’t work for you, how about being upfront with your invitation? – ‘My cell phone and I would like to take you out to dinner on Saturday? Will you join us?’)

Women: What your male partner wants from you on a date, *more than anything, is the feeling of being respected. When you are talking on your cell phone, take a good look at him. Is he staring into space with his face a frozen mask? Or is he glaring at you hoping you will take the hint? Is he mostly through his dinner and you haven’t even started? Hopefully, he is not turning purple with exasperation. And respect is nowhere to be seen.

A date is a container for two people to further their relationship, their intimacy, and their enjoyment of each other – by mutual agreement. The world, as you knew it, will be there waiting when you and your cell phone are reunited.

*I know what you’re thinking.